Just up tonight thinking about the me that nobody sees at the end of the day. My household is preparing for sleep and I am a long way from being tired. A few weeks left until graduation, then I can say "I finally graduated college", only to get right back in a few months afterward to pursue the next degree. Yes, I am ambitious. More than that....lately.....I find that I am changing in great ways.
I am two weeks away from my 39th birthday and have come to a startling realization: I have outgrown my friends. Yes, I love them. Yes, we communicate (even more when they have issues/problems to vent about or get advice on). Sure, I love being there for them, but......I realize that no one is there for me most times. There are times when I don't want to be The Therapist. There are actually times I'd like them to give a lovely care about me and how I'm doing. It's like they are going around in circles, or standing still, doing the same things we all used to do, going through the same confusion we all used to go through, dealing with the same relationships we all swore we would never allow ourselves to enter into again. However, there they are and here I am. I have a wonderful fiance and three adorable teenagers, but desire whole, healthy, successful, confident women friends who've got my back. Women who are doing things that actually benefit themselves and their families. Where are they? It used to be like that until,....I changed. I think I grew up a little more. As I prepare for my wedding next April, I really wonder if they will be there...or will their issues stop them from being there for me? Am I being prepared for new friends, those who can catch me where I am in life at this point?
I am quite gregarious, but at this point...tonight.....outside of my wonderful family.....I feel so alone.
Yaya
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